Tag Archives: man

I have been dating a man with a 10 yr old male child for the last ten mos. The father is raising his son full time. When they at my home, the child will act in such a way to deliberatly pull his fathers attention from me as if he is in a power play for his fathers attention. If we are making dinner, the child will demand that his child come to where he is and will actually want nothing. If we are cuddling in a chair, the child will immediately get up and try to get in our space. If his father asks him to sit down, he goes into tear or pouting mode. If I get up for a moment to get my babe water or anything, the child will immediately run and take my spot. If the father moves to where I am, the boy follows or will throw a tantrum. The little boy still sleeps in the same bed with his dad. I am worried that once we marry, this will be another issue. For me this is a non-negotiable. I feel he is too old to be sleeping in the same bed with his dad. How do I handle this delicate issue?
I want to handle this in a way that does not offend the father. Even though I have no children, I am an educator and have worked with children for the last 20+ years. Even though I have no children, I have a definate parenting style from dealing with all the children who have no parenting in their own homes. The child also does things like jump on the furniture I believe in an effort to get attention. The child gets in our “adult” conversations and I am not comfortable with this and have expressed this to my boyfriend. I am looking for constructive and non-threatening ways of handling this situation.
The boy spends the weekends with his mother and even though his mother is dating someone, he does not behave in the same manner with her. He does not make any attempts to get under she and her boyfriend when they are cuddling or are in the kitchen fixing dinner, etc.
It was suggested that I do activties with the child and I have made attempts. He had basketball practice one day and his father had a scheduling conflict so I offered to step in. The child resisted even though he really wanted to go to practice and had NO OTHER WAY of getting to practice. His dad had BRIBE him with an offer of me taking him to his favorite place to eat which I complied with. We’ve done movies, dvd night, but the behavior only escalated. Lately he has resorted to calling the mom saying he has nothing to eat when in fact his father has just bought groceries. He will call his father when he dad is at my house and demand that he bring him something to eat, even though there is newly purchased food. His father admitted that if he were at the house and the boy were hungry, he would go into the kitchen and be fine with what is in there.