my church/daycare has just flooded frrom a flash flood and i’m expected to be open tommorrow for kids.
my husband threw away the directions an is off at work at the power plant out of reach please help me.
Tag Archives: church
does anyone know how to assemble a shop vac so that it sucks up water?
They Said THIS In the Church Bulletin?
Heavens to Betsy! When you’re spreading God’s word, it’s important to pay attention to commas and spelling and proper phrasing. If you don’t, you may end up saying something other than what you really intended. And sometimes the result can be scandalous–or just funny as all get out.
The following are excerpts from church bulletins nationwide. Who needs professional comedians when everyday folks are just as humorous? (Note: You have to read this carefully to catch the funniest mistakes.)
Preach it!
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Suffer the little children
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Sunday School: Children will be led in sinning and Bible study.
The Power of Prayer
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
After the worship service…
This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national Prayer and Fasting Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.”
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Ladies, Ladies
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
Ladies’ Bible Study will be held Thursday at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Choir Practice
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”
Which Door Do I Use?
The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Members of the Congregation
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
No Good Deed Will Go Unpunished
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Watch Out for Those Potlucks
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.
HOW Much Money Should I Give?
The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”
Who says church is boring?
Is Born Again, as it is taught by the church, just a trendy, fad?
Jesus said, “When you are born of flesh, you are flesh. And when you are
born of spirit, you are spirit! Just like the wind blows, and you can hear it but not see it, and it goes where it wants to go!”
That describes no “Born Again” I know!
Don’t get me wrong. If it gives you strength. MORE POWER TO IT!
But when will the church stop making a whole religion out of ONE verse? And
then shove it down our throats, like we HAVE to do it?
Don’t they realize they turn more people away from God, than to Him that way?
Our spirits came from Heaven, and when we “die” they return to heaven. UNLESS, one rejects it!
Does this accurately demonstrate the relationship between the Church and Muslims?
“One cometh from the east, O Church my mother,
His sword drips blood; his mouth is curled with hate.
Shall I bar this approach, and every other? She said: “Swing wide the gate.”
He dares inside, directed by the devil, Whose words are written on the winds of hell.”
She spoke: “Death has not sealed him in his evil; Point out the place I dwell.”
“I am your child,” I cried, “your robes enfold me.
Give me a spear and I will run him through.”
“He also ia a child of mine,” she told me, “Whom love must claim anew.”
“His hand is on your door, soon you can never
Escape him. Speak! I hear his fearful tread.”
“Though I can weep, though I can bleed forever, I cannot die,” she said.
He entered in. I saw the sunlight flash on The steel as her bosom it was pressed. I saw her face, all beauty and compassion, Above the sword he buried in her breast.- “Besieger at the Gates” by Jessica Powers
wow u people are strange. this is a beautiful methaphoric poem describing how a christian desires to protect the Church from her enemies but the Church really desires the conversion of all people, and teaches us to love our enemies.
While muslims are tuaght to crush enemies, the Church’s relationship with muslims is one of love. I thought this demonstrated beautifully how a christian loves their enemies. i now see that that is too deep for you people to understand.
there are 3 peopel in the poem: Mother Church, the duaghter of mother church, and the invaider.
the duaghter of the church, is arguing with her mother to let her kill the aproaching enemy, but through a lesson of pure love; mother Church teaches her duaghter to love her enemies, and let her enstranged son come to her, even if her embrace is returned with a spear.
Why can you not understand?? its obvous in the poem that the “invaider” is not evil! the mother church explans in the poem that he is just lost! trying to do the right thing, but being influenced by the wrong!
i thought this poem was very straightfoward.
perhaps i should have said “enemies” instead of “muslims”
although i though to a muslim, if u are not muslim u are already veiwed as an enemy?*confussed* also i thought it would be a proper methaphor for all the churchs that have been exploding mysteriously recently…
Who is the Beast Of Revelation 13?
There are 6 clear identifying marks which reveal that the leopard-like beast of Revelation 13 represents the Roman Church:
1.) Rev. 13:1 – Rises from the sea (Rev. 17:15) – a populated area.
2.) Rev. 13:2 – receives the seat of its government from pagan Rome.
3.) Rev. 13:5 – claims the privileges and prerogative of God (Luke 5:20 -22).
4.) Rev. 13:7 – Persecutes the saints (believers). 55 million during inquisition died.
5.) Rev. 13:5 – reigns supreme for 42 prophetic months, or 1,260 days or literal years. (Ezekiel 4:6, Num. 14:34) Daniel 7:25 – The papal power changed God’s law would reign supreme for 1260 literal years. In 538 A.D. the pagan Roman Empire granted the pope of Rome civil & religious authority over the empire. Exactly 1260 years later in 1798 A.D. Berthier a French General on orders from Napoleon, took the Pope captive. 6.) Rev. 13:18 – The leopard like beast of Rev. 18 is identified w/ the mysterious # 666.
Rev. 13:10 – The 1st beast goes into captivity or exile as it had led others into exile.
Rev. 13:11 – 2nd Beast arises the same time the 1st beast goes into captivity or around 1798. This beast rises rapidly from unpopulated area – the earth.
Rev. 13:11 – The 2nd Beast has two horns 2/ no crowns. It has no king. It is a democratic republican form of government. This beast is young, powerful, full of freedom & innocence – a new nation (Daniel 7:17, 23 beast = nation). In this prophecy, a new nation rapidly rises in or around 1790 in an unpopulated area w/ out kingly authority, governed by the people. It has lamblike quality of Jesus, allowing its people freedom of choice. The only nation arising at this time which fits this description is the Good old’ U S of A. In 1978 the USA became a nation, France acknowledged the USA.
Rev. 13:11, 12 – The features of this lamb like beast rapidly turn into a dragon. How does gov’ts speak? By Laws. Religious liberty is followed by religious oppression.
Rev. 13:12 – The 2nd beast (U.S.A) gives its influence to the 1st beast, the papacy. How? The USA acknowledged the Vatican as a nation. In 1929 after Benito Mussolini signed over half of its estates to the Roman Church by the Lateran Treaty. The wound was healed.
Rev. 13:12 The Central issue in the final conflict is worship (See Rev. 14:6, 7, 12) The Sabbath is Gods eternal sign of true worship. (Rev. 4:11, Ezek. 20; 12)
Rev. 13:13, 14 – Satan will use miraculous signs and wonders at a time of international crisis to forge a union of church and state which will violently oppose and oppress God’s people (Rev. 10:13, Rev. 19:21)
Rev. 12:17 – Gods faithful people will not yield to the coercive pressure to violate God’s law.
Posted in Water Power
Tagged beast, church, leopard, Revelation, revelation 13, Roman, roman church
Water and Power – Episode #1
It’s a tough gig working for the Water Department, and it’s also a tough gig working in Power. Dan Harmon and Ryan Ridley show you why.
Free Energy – Power Generator
First independant FREE energy Generator with NO moving parts! Charls Flynn has a US Patent from 1997 on the Generator Core! Read more about it and many other great inventions on free energy devices in the PJKBOOK PDF on: “www.free-energy-info.co.uk”
Posted in free energy
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